It really should have. Why is it that it still stings after all this time? I have a new doctor now and to make her life easier, I requested copies of my old records to give to her. Treating PCOS is not an easy thing to do and I've decided to try a naturopath who has prescriptive rights now. We'll see. Anyway...
I went and picked up my 6 inch thick envelope full of my records. Silly me, I decided to glance through them in the parking lot to see what they said. I really was curious to know if I had been labeled throughout the years. I was just going to take a quick look, just a peek...
An hour later I came up for air. I was crying. The notes were not just clinical. They talked alot about my state of mind...the doctors and NP's confusion as to why I wasn't ovulating, getting pregnant, staying pregnant, etc. Reading the words "non viable" was like getting kicked in the stomach. They spoke of how sorry they were for me. How it didn't just seem to be fair. And then they talked about how I decided to take a mental health break. And that they would miss me. But it felt like I was there again. Even though I've read the end of the book. I know how the story ends. I know that I get pregnant. Carry to term. Have a healthy boy who occupies my days.
Will it ever just be part of my life quilt instead of the fabric that makes it?
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I don't know if things ever get "easier" when it comes to how we treat our bodies and the things that affect it. I just think we adapt better and some things become old hat, per se. I think what's the hardest is that nothing ever stays the same.
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