I sit here with my laptop on my lap. It's just after 7 on a Saturday morning and I've been up for 2 hours. The one day a week I can sleep in. So why am I awake? Why are my thoughts so loud? I wake up in a start with a sick feeling in my stomach. So much going on...so much happening. Yet everything in limbo.

I'm nervous about Joe going to the Philippines in January. We recently found out that the tribes he is going to are very against tattoos. The only people that had tattoos were head hunters in the past and they are associated with thiefs and criminals now. These tribes are still so old fashioned that, unless the have time to get to know you, if they see your tattoos you will be ostracized at best. Joe is covered in tats. All down his arms, his legs, his back. I'm just so thankful that he didn't get any up on his neck like his plan was. He'll have to wear long sleeve shirts and pants while they get accustomed to him. It's 115 degrees there on a cool day. He's also going to be 50 miles away from where there were recent kidnappings. After everything that's happened in Iraq today...with the big hanging and stuff...chances are the terrorist groups are gonna be all riled up.

I'm scared to death. I know he's supposed to be going. He's only going to be gone for 3 weeks. But what am I going to do if anything happens to him? He's the kind of guy that if he sees an injustice, he won't stand for it. I can't tell him my fears. He needs my support right now. Not my whining. That's what ya'll are for.

Did you know that Al Qu*ada trains in the Philippines? Did you know that they hate westerners? Did you know that there are numerous travel warnings against going there for westerners?

I have to get my (probably completely irrational) fears out somewhere. I can't talk to him about them. How am I supposed to put on a happy face and support him? Anybody? Anybody?