Hot enough?

Wow. Apparently, unknown to me, Montana has turned into hell. It is H.O.T. It is smoky. It is sucking. Still very very pretty and there are oh so many lakes and rivers and streams that it is still worth it but...wow...it's warm. We have an air conditioner in our basement so it stays fairly cool but upstairs? Pure Hell.

Having a yard sale tomorrow. Best Friend and I will be in the shade of the mountain ash tree in my front yard counting down until noon. Would it be tacky to have beer bottles in hand? Should we just pour it in cups?

Thank you for the emails asking how my husband is. He's improving slowly but surely. Dr. from big town down south just misinformed us of what it was supposed to look like and feel like for him. So, I guess this is normal. He's back to teaching full time. Home with little boy today and playing in the blow up pool in the back yard.

I've given up on my lawn this year. After living rural my whole life and having a "lawn" of sorts, this is my first subdivision with a real lawn. We like it pretty and green! But...see above about heat. Not so much willing to pay $$$$$ for water. That's another thing. I have always had my own well. Now I'm on city water. What the??? It trips me out that I have to pay for water.

That is all. Jessie is bored. Entertain me?

Oooh look, pretty pictures!

In absence of a mind this week, I'll leave you with pretty pictures! Like this one of little boy playing with the water balloons last weekend. oooooohhhh...feeling distracted from same old boring posts...



Fourth of July, me, best friend and baby. And beer! Woot!



Pretty.



My son in the lake with a sparkler.



Best friend and I on the Friday of camping so basically? Before-ish (bow down to me and my work making up self!)



And then Sunday morning. Very very after. NO showers. NO people. Lots of beer. SO MUCH FUN!!



My boys after their water fight.

Too tired for a title.

So it's been a week since my last post. Huh. Who would have thought? Life has been crazy. After the drugs wore off, Joe started to deteriorate. He got very very sick. He had a piece of tape go into his eye, underneath the bandages and scratch his cornea. This caused a ton of pain. He also reacted badly to the drugs and was throwing up for hours. We went to the dr. on friday morning and had the bandages taken off. As soon as we left his office, Joe started throwing up. I called the dr. and they just told us to have a nice trip home. The more I think about it, the angrier that makes me. They should NEVER have sent us 3 hours north with him as sick as he was. Of course, if the surgery had actually worked, I probably wouldn't be as mad. Yeah. That's the other thing. He still has no sight in that eye. If he had 5% vision before, he has 2% vision now. SO NOT WORTH THIS!!! The surgery was (up to the point) the biggest mistake. He's so down and in so much pain. We've both been up all night all week, lost in our own thoughts about this mess we now find ourselves in. So tired. Of course, he was back to work on Monday, teaching summer camps. He can put on such a brave face and then come home and collapse. It just sucks. He sits in a room with the blinds drawn and his sunglasses on. He is in so much pain. We thought that the vision would be immediate. We were told that he should be totally out of pain by Monday at the latest. We were told that there would be 20/40 vision, at the outside. We were told a bunch of things that haven't happened or have happened a different way. And now we are told that the dr. is on vacation this week so have fun, deal with it and we'll see you at your followup appointment. Which is this coming Monday. Joe has to have the stitches removed from his eye (which we were told would be all dissolvable sutures) and so hopefully we'll find out more info then.

Sorry this is so scattered and makes no sense. I'm just overwhelmed.

Phew

We're back at the hotel. The wonders of wifi! The surgery went ok. It took 2 1/2 times as long as they told me before they went in. Why don't they send a nurse out to let you know that all is well? That part sucked. But he's ok. He's sleeping. He has a huge bandage on his eye but he's here. I can hear him snoring and I love that sound.

Now we wait until tomorrow when the bandage comes off to see what we see. The dr. told me that they were able to move his pupil and reshape it...kind of. Don't know what that means really but we'll soon find out.

Thank God, he's ok.

Restless Anticipation

T minus 24 hours until Joe's eye surgery. At this time tomorrow I will be sitting in pre-op with him, trying to reassure him. How can I reassure him if I'm freaking out myself?

Please please please please please let it go ok. I could not handle it if anything were to happen to him.

Blog? I have a blog?

You sure wouldn't think so with as much as I've been posting lately. Lots going on this week. First? Camping was AWESOME! Pictures will follow. Second? My sister in law gave birth to my beautiful nephew Zachary Michael on Monday. He's so gorgeous and looks only a little bit like an alien. Third? Much beer was consumed on the fourth and things were blown up in short order. Fourth? Work. Sucked. Fifth? Joe's pre-op eye appointment was today and he's cleared for surgery in a week. Now I'm scared. But, on the cool front, I found a papa smurf doll on E*Bay today that I bought for him. When he was little and going through his six surgeries, he always had a Papa Smurf doll with him. The doll would come out with an eye patch too. I found one today and bought it. It will be shipped to me before his surgery and I'll give it to him in the hotel before we leave for the hospital. Cheesy, I know but I'm hoping to take his mind off of the anxiety of everything.

More coming soon, more beer to drink tonight...not to mention UFC tomorrow night at my house! I hope Tito Ortiz kicks the crap out of Ken Shamrock and Tim Sylvia knocks Andrea Arlovski out!!

Tooooo much coffeeeeeeeee!

OK. I am a little bit hyper. Like get out my seat and jump around hyper. Like had too much coffee in my chai hyper. Like going to the woods and don't have to answer a phone for 3 days hyper. Woot woot! I'm excited. Can you tell?

This is my time to tell ya'll that I'm going to be gone for 3 days. Not that any of you care but...you know...just letting you know and stuff.

Did I mention that I'm hyper???

Teenage boy is babysitting Little boy today. This is what I left this morning...



It was so hard to leave them.

But seriously...how on earth could they sleep like that? And how did they get into that position with neither one of them waking up? And why are they in my room???

Workin' for the weekend

Don't you love old 80's and early 90's rock? When I hear certain songs, I'm transported. I loved me some butt rock! And John Cusak? With the boom box? Wow...swoon...I still think that's awesome. If Joe were to do that for me? He would be walking funny for a long time. Or maybe I would. Or whatever. Why am I talking about my sex life????

OK redirect. Over here! Hey you! Yeah, you! Hi! What I meant to be talking about was how excited I am for this weekend. It's the first camping trip of the season! I seem to be really determined to use alot of exclamation points and question marks in this entry! 'Cause I'm just that cool! We are going out west to the land of good Montana camping. No other people. Not a "real" campsite. Just us, beer, marshmallows, hot dogs and a river. Last time we went camping up here Joe caught a fish and cooked it over the campfire. Oh so yummy. We are going with our best friends and their kids.

Woo-hoo! No cell phones for 2 whole days!!!

Plus, this is where I'll be...



Awwww...heaven...

What the?

It's beautiful outside. The sunshine makes me feel better. My goofy kids do too.

Had a homeowners association meeting last night. Only had one freak lady show up and start yelling and cussing. It's an improvement! We live in a nice little neighborhood. Why do some people freak?

Little boy got himself dressed today. Let's just say that I'm glad he's home with my mom instead of out with me. Very very interesting outfit. "Vote for KJ" t-shirt, too short camo pants and a headband. Definately gets his fashion sense from me.

Oh, ok, funny story. We were at the HOA meeting last night and it was held on my neighbors lawn. We were all sitting underneath a big tree in his front lawn. I have rather large boobs. There were ants on the tree. One fell down my shirt. Yep...right in between my melons. I could feel it squirming around down there but couldn't see it. (heh, i just typed tit instead of it) What would you do? Oh yeah, I started digging away. Joe starts elbowing me and telling me to knock it off. I look up and there are 5 grown men watching me dig in my cleavage for an ant. Oi. I should have just smashed my boobs together and killed the dang thing.

Is it Friday yet?

Why is this week going so slowly? I have dealt with depression off and on for the last 10 years. Basically since starting trying to get pregnant. Now little things trigger me. I don't know what exactly. It's different every time. I just get so down sometimes. It feels like I'm drowning in nothing. Money issues. Job issues. Marriage issues. Crap.

I hate feeling like this.

And then it got sticky...

UPDATED WITH PICTURES (not that anyone cares) tee-hee

The boys decided to sleep in the closet last night.

They were so cute in there, all cuddled up together. And then they woke up.

Teenage boy as he's walking up the stairs this morning..."So Little boy was all cuddled up against my leg when we woke up and his pants and my leg are wet. I'm just gonna say it was sweat. Don't tell me any different. It was sweat."

Little boy from behind him..."Heh."

Awww, brotherly love.

Lame Posts anyone?

Geez...these have been lame lately. Just not a whole lot to say, I guess. We are interviewing for a new secretary at work. I need someone who can really help me. And not have to be led by the nose all the time. I need to be able to assign a task and have them just take it and run with it. However, I bet I'm not fun to work for. I wouldn't want to work for me. I can be kind of a bitch. We had a new salesperson start this week too. That's always fun. They think that since I am office manager, I am therefore there to do their bidding. Ummm...I think not.

Drank a bottle of wine with Andrea last night. Why is it that when we get together, alcohol just dissapears? Where does it go? I didn't think that I was that tipsy but perhaps I was.

Had to go to WalM&rt yesterday too. White trash low class capitol. It's very interesting there. Why is it that people think it's ok to stop in the middle of the aisles to chat? Do they really have no clue that there are people around them wanting to get their stuff done and get the heck out of there? Are they really that selfish? Yes, yes they are.

Anyway, Jessie is bored. Entertain me.

And how was your weekend?

Something I've never mentioned here (in my whole 2 weeks of blogging) is that Joe is blind in his left eye. He was shot with a b.b. gun when he was 5 and has been blind since. 26 years. His left eye is green and his right eye is brown. That's one of the first things that attracted me to him...Rawwwr.

We have been going to the eye doctors around here since April. They told him at first that they would be able to do a lens implant surgery and he would be able to see. And then they said they couldn't do it. And that it couldn't be done at all. Because I whined, they gave us a referral to a doctor 2 hours south of us who is supposed to be the top eye surgeon in the state. Believe me, they gave that referral very grudingly. They had the attitude of if they couldn't do it, no reputable doctor would be able to. I love proving people wrong when they are rude to us.

We went last Friday and spent the night there. It's a bigger town than where we live but there still isn't alot to do. Especially since Joe doesn't drink anymore. We went to the doctor. He ran all of his tests and poked and prodded Joe for awhile. Then he asked Joe what he wanted to do. Joe just told him that he wanted to see. So the dr. looked at his calendar and asked us, How does July 13 sound to you? WOW!!

So on July 13, we are headed to bigger town down south to get my husband's beautiful green eye cut open. A new lens (he doesn't have one now) will be implanted and they will suture it to his eye. Hopefully, at the end of it, he will have 20/30 vision in that eye! Amazing! It's an outpatient surgery too which just freaks me out. How can they expect us to go to the hotel that night and him not in the hospital? I don't get it!!

That's what we did this weekend. And now we wait until the day.

How did you spend your days off?

Rain rain go away

It's been raining here for 3 days straight. Starting to feel like I live in Biblical times. We had hail the size of golf balls the other night. The next morning? The local paper had this headline splashed across the front..."HOLY HAIL!"

Yeah, my town sucks.

and this is absolutely the lamest post ever!

Some things aren't always what they seem.

I grew up in a small town. Not a nice town. I'm sure that high school was fun for those that were "in" but I was not one of those. My school was very clicky. Everyone was classified as something. I'm not sure exactly what I was classified as because by that time, I had found pot and didn't care so much anymore.

There was one thing that sustained me in high school and that was my friends. I had a really tight core group of guy and girl friends who did everything together. We protected each other, looked out for each other, went to bat for each other. They meant the world to me. They were there for me when I was completely down. I was there for them (i think) when they were down. We were a family.

The problem with mixed groups like that is when two people hook up. If things go sour between them, everyone else starts to feel like they have to pick sides. That's what happened to us. Boy and girl hook up. Girl gets pregnant very very young. Boy and girl get married. Start to play house. Said house becomes quite the hangout of those of us still not totally out on our own. Beautiful baby girl is born very preemie. Baby adds stress to already stressed relationship. Boy and girl suffer. Friendships suffer. Baby continues to be beautiful. Girl gets pregnant again and gives birth to a very chubby boy. Boy and girl get more stressed. Struggle more. Start to separate their lives. Allegations are made. People take sides. Friends (namely me) do what they think is the right thing at the time and end up hurting people that have meant so much to them. Years go by and it all starts to seem like a mistake.

When my friends broke up there were serious stories told. I was never there to see any of the incidences so I don't know first hand what happened. I did what I believed was the best option. The most helpful. I wanted to support my friend as she started her newly single mom life. We became very close. Closer than we had ever been before. The funny part was that I started off as his friend and not hers. She became part of our group because he thought she was cute. I found her really annoying at first. He and I had been so close...sharing many many late night talks about life, listening to music, making up stupid poetry. We had both gone through it when we were younger and I felt like I had found someone who truly understood me. But I chose her side. I wanted to be with the kids. I wanted to be able to make sure they were ok. I know I did things that hurt not only him, but probably others in his family that I cared about a lot too. Back then, I thought of his brother as younger but looking back, he's actually older than I am and was a way better person inherently than I could ever pretend to be.

Years go by. Over 10 now. She and I stayed close for a long time but then she started to change. Or maybe I did. I grew up, that's for sure. She didn't. I tried to keep in contact with her but her life is so incredibly different than mine. She lives with a guy that I don't like so much. I think he's odd and perhaps a bit of a masochist. She doesn't work. She is sick so she spends most of her days on pain medication. I still love her but there is only so much effort that one person can put out. I left messages on their phone (they screen all of their calls) asking if they have seen my friend. If they could have her call me. She never returns my calls. And now their phone is disconnected. We were supposed to turn 30 together. Her birthday is 2 days before mine. But I haven't seen her for over a year. And we live in the same town. I miss the kids. The last time I saw them, they were growing like weeds and turning into little adults. I'm afraid for the people they will become. I worry about 13 year old girl more than 11 year old boy. She has been through so much in her young life. Things that no girl should ever ever ever have to go through. I don't know if she is strong enough to deal with those thoughts as she gets older without help and I worry that her mom is to shortsighted to see it.

This wasn't meant to be a bash of my friend. This whole post came about because I recently found a blog belonging to the younger brother of the boy. He is all grown up now (like I said, I always thought of him as younger) and has his own family. He seems to be a good man with a good mind. He wrote on his space that he felt like his life didn't start until 1994. I was part of their lives before that time. I don't want to think that I hurt them, but I'm sure that I did. It's impossible that I didn't. I regret that. I regret those ties being broken. The last time I saw boy was when I was eating at the restaurant he works (worked?) at. He came walking out of the kitchen and saw me. It took my breath away. I didn't know what to do so I waved. He just stared at me and kept walking. Didn't crack a smile or wave or anything. The last time I saw his brother was at a restaurant too. He was eating and I came in to eat. I don't remember who I was with but it seems like I might have had a little to drink beforehand. I know that I didn't acknowledge him the way that I should have. My friend and I were starting to sour at that point and I wasn't sure what to say.

Life is full of regrets but the ones that suck the most are these. When you have to pick a side and hope that it is the right one. When it's not...

Stupid work interfering with blogging.

Wow, reading back over that last post all I can say is...ummm...what? I didn't make so much sense. Beer will do that to you.

Been busy at work this week. My boss is going on vacation starting tomorrow so he's in full time panic must get everything done oh my gosh will the station fall down around their ears if i walk out the door mode. So it's been a bit busy.

First week of summer vacation for teenage boy. He's working at our church at Adventure Kids Kamp. It makes it easier for little boy if someone is there with him to make sure he's not eating anything he's not supposed to be. Oh, have I never mentioned yet? Little boy has Celiac disease. His little body cannot tolerate anything that has gluten in it. Gluten is a protein found in wheat, rye, oat, barley, etc. It makes for a very interesting diet consisting of lots of rice and corn. PB & J on a rice cake is his favorite meal!

So when other kids are around and there are snacks involved, it has the potential to be very bad for little boy. He really understands his diet well (for a four year old) but the little nuances he doesn't get. For example, they have a popcorn mix at kids kamp that has goldfish crackers mixed in. Because they are in there, he cannot eat that popcorn. He wouldn't understand that part though. I can't even use the same spoon to stir his pasta as I do ours. He's very sensitive too. And when he's reacting? Holy Hyper Batman.

But I digress. (I have always wanted to use that statement!) Teenage boy is helping out and is in charge of 15 four and five year olds. And he's enjoying it!!

Or maybe he's just pretending to enjoy it so I will stop making fun of him for playing with the little kids. I'm evil like that.

So it's my birthday

I never thought that I would see 30 years old. In my mind, as crazy as this sounds, that was a number that would never apply to me. Whether it was because I never truly belived I would live this long or I didn't want to believe I would live this long, I'm not sure. But here I am.

Spent the day doing stuff. The normal crappy stuff. Went to Wal-M$art and did stupid laundry detergent shopping. I did get to sleep in though. Why are there so many typos I keep having to go back and correct? Oh yeah, that's right...

Went to my Best Friends daughters 5 year b-day party. That was fun. Then to my SIL baby shower. And then? To the fights. Watched the hometown girl decidly kick the crap out of a girl from WA state in boxing. But, it was scored an even draw. So nothing changes. But it was fun. And i drank beer. All by myself. Just Joe and I went and since he doesn't drink anymore, I had to drink his share. What have I read about blogging drunk? Oh yeah...stopping now...

i'm 30 years old and i don't feel any different...

This was taken last weekend in my husband's truck. It was taken by my 4 year old son. Little did I know that we were driving to a surprise party thrown for my 30th birthday. I didn't want to even acknowledge my birthday. I was having serious 30 issues. I always thought that 30 was grown up. That it meant that my bills would all be paid on time. My credit would be stellar. My children well behaved. And I would no longer have purple streaks in my hair and multiple ear piercings and tattoos. Ummmmm...let's just say that 30 is not what I thought it would be.

I love this picture. Even though you can see the wrinkles in my forehead, I love the look I have on my face. I love how I'm kind of out of the frame. And I love the fact that I had no idea that the people in my life loved me enough to put together the shindig we went to later.

Who knows? Maybe my boy will be a photographer.

So much better.

This is just oh so much prettier than it was this morning! And to think that Zoot created this all by herself! She is obviously a way more smart girl than I.

I was never any good at keeping a journal with any regularity. I would find myself writing writing writing and then just stop. I would go back later but could never remember what all my cryptic initials stood for. I had an older brother so I couldn't just lay it all out there. This feels different. As of right now, there is absolutely nobody reading it. And even if I get found, no one IRL will get the URL so I should be safe. Safe-ish. As safe as you could be putting your thoughts and feelings on the world wide web.

I feel like I'm coming late to the party. Jumping on the blog-wagon when others might be bailing off. But so far? It feels really good just to have somewhere to talk.

New blogger issues

Do you have any idea how long I have been messing with this template? Yeah...2 hours. Perhaps I should just concede defeat and to go Zoot and grab one of her freebies for new bloggers?

Yep, I'm done. This sucks and I'm just not that smart.